Spookies.

"No mother! WTF! I asked for Gwyneth Paltrow's head in a box!"

Spookies was the end result to my birthday eve horror madness decision, although I got two bad movies for the horror of one! This background to the movie is far more interesting then the movie itself and you find that once you know, you can torture yourself again just to exclaim "Yes!.....yes! I see it now!"

One thing I have to give this movie absolute kudos for is all the special effects and monsters, it's quite an array and mish-mash of different things including a fantastic scene where a strange Asian woman turns into a spider, I just love the way he deflates like a used blow-up sex doll after orgasm LOL -

Twisted Souls is how Spookies began life, but the original director got his ass fired and the whole idea was stacked by on the shelf, however never fear a new director is here to carry on this weird and wonderful haunted house delight, Twisted Souls is a bunch of stereotypical 80s teenagers who are really 25 knocking on 30 on their way to another party since the dreadful Italian tough-guy teen got them kicked out of the first one (damn his rebellious I don't give a crap attitude) oh and not to mention an out of place much older guy who seems to be dating one of the teens now he really spoils the party with all his sensible suggestions, who needs shit like that! The chain-smoking posh British teenager and her doormat boyfriend only amused me for the fact that they reminded me of close friends of mine, I think they would have acted in exactly the same way.

My favourite characters of all had to be these guys -

Duke and Mook the greatest comic relief of all time.

One single guy with just his hand for company literally, his best buddy and hand puppet Mook although that son of a bitch wasn't of much use when the crazy Asian mutant spider lady showed up.

The new director now added the "Spookies bits" to all of this  which includes a extremely odd plot between a satanic wizard and his un-dead bride, who because he has a face only a mother could love has been poisoning herself to get away from him and every-time that bastard has brought her back, evil wizard sir, she hates your guts, just get over it, I'm sure there are plenty of hookers you could pay, why all the bother?! And some kind of back-wards were-cat like creature that also serves no purpose other then being the wizards pet and burying poor poor birthday Billy.

You can easily tell watching the movie back that it answers all your questions as to why the teenagers never came across or interacted with the evil wizard and his were-cat bitch, despite them trying to trick you with clipping to a scene of the wizard saying "welcome fools!!" from a scene of the teenagers arriving.

I discovered the birthday link and why this movie was on a birthday themed list, it's completely irrelevant to the whole movie and serves no purpose what so ever but we meet the world's dullest and saddest 13yr old boy at the start of the film, it's his 13th birthday that day and he's pissed off that his parents forgot about it! (quick somebody call social services on these fucking monsters)

"Holy shit mister that's one big birthday popsicle you want me to retrieve from your trousers"

So naturally as most disgruntled youngsters do, he's run away from home and is lurking about in the dark talking to strangers (that'll teach those bastards for forgetting my birthday) some random drifter asks him for light to which he gives him one and tells his story and that he has "big plans".
 After this encounter Billy enters the haunted house, to which he finds a birthday party set-up, naturally he assumes mom and dad have laid out some kind of surprise party, boy oh boy was that little shit wrong, there are balloons, a cake and presents, now if the candles just suddenly lit-up on a birthday cake I would be a bit suspicious and extremely suspicious when all the toys in the room came to light including a rather creepy robot but no not Billy he goes on to sniff his birthday presents (yes instead of shaking them like any normal young boy would he smells them!?!)
 He's sorely disappointed when he finds the evil wizard's head where his present should be, and runs away screaming while all of this was going on Billy was being stalked by our were-cat friend who appears to have a hook for a hand, the were-cat takes chase, this tense and nail-biting affair ends up with our poor Billy ending up falling into a grave and being buried alive = WORST BIRTHDAY EVER. This wins the award for the most irrelevant character and scene in a movie, it has absolutely nothing to do with either story-wise, just tacked in my the new director ha ha.

I had a better birthday -

Some of the best creatures of this movie included, the grim reaper a very under used monster in the way of horror films, the farting muck monsters of the basement (yeah seriously, every movement they took resulted in an hilarious farting noise) these beauties had such a Goosebumps feel to them also, creepy little almost merman lizardy creature from the blacklagoon type thing, electricity monster that melted its victims away when it shocked them, and hordes and hordes of zombies. The monsters varied in hilarity depending on whether they were new or old director creations, you had good special effects and then suddenly bad special effects, really well done zombies/Halloween down the local bar zombies!

I implore everybody to watch this movie, it is an 80s trash classic. I wish there had been more footage from the movie available, because some of the scenes with the different creatures are great, the evil wizard also sounded like a disgruntled Russian talking into a glass or a cup this amused me highly.