The Toxic Avenger!!

"Can you imagine the size of that thing"

The Toxic Avenger 

This has to be one of my favourite Troma productions, has many of you avid horror fans already know the premise of the plot revolves around poor old geeky Melvin the mop boy who cleans up the health club of what has to be the worst town in the history of film Tromaville!   

Tromaville Health club is a place where you pump iron like a madman while snogging a hot sexy babe or smoking a very healthy cigarette (good damn I want my gym to be like this!)  however Melvin doesn't get to do any of this he just bumbles about mopping after everybody else, including Bo"I'm stressed, he's stressing me out, I'm stressed, very stressed, it's stressing me out, Linda he's stressing me" zo who takes pleasure in humiliating Melvin with his cronies. Everybody knows at least on raging asshole and he personifies them all.

Naturally assholes always have smoking hot (even literally later on) girlfriends, this is where you suddenly realise that the one thing that really makes preppy girls wet in there panties, you were correct! Running over young innocent 12yrs old on bicycles till their heads explode and then taking some lovely photos for the album! 

This gang of sexually crazed sadists need to be stopped, but our hero is not amongst us just yet.  Now imagine your perfect night alone with that one special guy, where it could be! I'm guessing you weren't thinking of the local health club, that's slug's idea of romance. Unlucky for them Melvin catches them in the act (dirty) so now begins the plan of humiliation: Melvin is seduced by blonde into wearing a clown suit (men will do anything for a shit hot blonde, trust me)  "You put on your pink and I'll take off my pink"  
This results in our poor Melvin jumping out of a window and straight into a barrel of TOXIC WASTE! with utter embarrassment. 


So The Toxic Avenger is born  "agggghhhhh"  and his life of crime fighting begins after he's scared his dear old mom to death  "Melvin is there something wrong?"  "WTF do you think?!!"  This is where some of my favourite scenes from the movie start to kick off, I just love the action sequences and typical 80s martial arts stunts that every bad guy in that period learnt at villains 101 (not even these types of films escaped it) 
Cigar-face (don't mess with him, he'll put it out on you) and his bunch of henchmen are the first to get a beating when they try to rough up the friendly neighbourhood cop but never fear Melvin is here!! Where he proceeds to gore and tear up each henchman, once you've completed that mission you leave your calling card of a mop shoved down their throat just to put extra salt into their already gaping wounds. 

       

  A local hero is created!! He saved the cop's life, however Cigar face swore revenge!! 
The restaurant scene has to be the best, I mean how many different ways in a taco house is there to kill a man? Seriously!  The black guy gets his arm ripped off first I mean that has got to sting, Leroy (the lost member of a failing glam rock band) gets turned into a very yummy looking ice-cream dessert complete with a cherry on top! The third guy gets served extra crispy mmmmm, and our friend with one arm gets cooked to perfection.  


 He saves and meets the love of his life Sarah who he saves from the restaurant, she's blind (well she'd have to be wouldn't she, I mean come on!) but his voice is really dreamy, I'm going to admit that yes I did just say that. What other lady wouldn't agree with me, he had to have something to make up for his deformed looks, a really nice voice *swoon*  anyway they set-up home together: awww queue really sweet scenes of them moving in together, how delightful. 
It all goes wrong when Toxic decides to wash a little old lady whose presumed to be an innocent and he also gets his revenge on the group of turd teenagers Slug, Bozo "I'm getting stressed!, she's stressing me, I'm stressing"  and the two sadistic females,  The brunette gains a smoking hot ass ;)  and the blonde Linda is hunted down. Slug and Bozo get completely totalled in an old ladies car when Melvin catches up with them. 


Melvin himself is then hunted down when the crooked mayor launches a manhunt one him after he stuffed the old lady in the washing machine, I mean come on she couldn't have shrunk anymore! It's fine.
You get shown a great scene of Melvin and Sarah walking together down the street together "Do I look inconspicuous?" asks the radio active man in what appears to be "human" day clothing nicked straight from The Thing's closet.   
Melvin and Sarah set-up a love shack tent together while the villagers gather around like an angry mob, with the army there as well, they could have just had a really twisted style take on The Blues Brother ending. 
However you get that happily ever after feeling, when the villagers decide that he's way to much of a hero to them to destroy him, the little midget old lady isn't so innocent after all and the mayor gets his just desserts!! 


So THE TOXIC AVENGER!! lives to battle evil another day. *Queue scene of going off into the sunset*