Nekromantik 2

I felt like I wasn't doing the first one any justice at all by not at least watching the second one and giving that the Necronomicon treatment as well. It seems that my streaming site couldn't really care about who gets to see this one I mean if you saw the first one then you know by now what you're letting yourself in for!

Well this movie starts off more or less from where we ended in the first one, Rob is dead and buried 6ft under and we see a shovel stab into the soft soil of his freshly laid grave, we now see that it is a rather attractive woman Monika who we later find out is also a nurse as well as a necrophiliac again a handy profession if you have a love for death. And boy does she seem to appear to be one hell of a grave-robber, she does it in broad daylight all in the time space of one afternoon, she even stops for a cigarette break, because hauling up the dead is bloody hard work, especially when you're trying to be quick not to get caught since it is DAYLIGHT!  I'm not even sure how she managed to get his rotting corpse all the way back to her apartment? Perhaps she had a car, how are we to know!

So you thought you could just come running back now he's dead did you?!

Rob's now ex-girlfriend from the previous film arrives to the decimated grave-site in the hope of claiming Rob's corpse for herself, I'm assuming she fucked the last poor sod into dust literally. Although you do feel kinda sorry for her in this scene, because she just sits for-longingly at the coffin side looking rather sad has we are treated to flash-backs of their antics from the first movie and then she just slinks off looking rather wounded not to be seen for the rest of the film.

However back at Monika's place she's getting straight down to business and there's no messing about with her that's for sure, she shakes his clothes off with such vigour that he's shown to be shaking all over the place on this table that she's set him up on and because that proved too much of a task she goes for the good old scissors to whip off his underwear! The anticipation proved to much!

And the award for the classiest way to take off a corpse's underwear goes too....

Be grateful he's a rotting corpse, you weren't getting lucky enough to have dead and hung like a donkey.

 My corpse penis virginity was broken in all its painful bloody glory and now so is yours, enjoy! Much like the love scene from the first movie we get the naked Monika riding on rotting Rob with all the grace of an Emmanuelle movie, again we experience the similar soundtrack that makes it so masterful and arty, what also makes this weird is how attractive and rather sexy the lead female is, which puts it on whole new levels of wrong here.

Never trust a woman whose décor consists of Death fucking a woman

Poor Rob can't feel much good because she does jump off him towards the end of their session and is immediately throwing up into her toilet, but unlike how he treated his last corpse fuck, she lets his carcass rest in bed for a little while before she starts to take an interest in a living man, doing the opposite to his previous partner who took off with the corpse.

That's when you know you had too much too drink the night before

        Monika also tends to Rob by washing him and decorating around him with flowers......?

Now doesn't that just brighten the place up a lot more, it was beginning to look like a morgue in here!

 Now this living man is called Mark and he crosses paths with Monika whilst waiting for another woman at the movies who appears to have been running late, so instead of waiting for her, he grabs Monika and asks her to come into the movie with him, she accepts and they sit down to watch a really weird little piece of dialogue shoot in black and white between a couple whom are both naked sat at a little breakfast table outside which appears to be covered in boiled eggs in egg cups that they are both slowly making their way through, whilst the naked man rambles on at the naked woman about his love for birds. Sounds like a really lady charming movie huh?!

So begins a blossoming romance of fooling around taking pictures of each other, going to the fair and sharing a first kiss on the Ferris Wheel, looking at all the animals in the zoo, a whole montage of things that any normal couple starting out in their relationship should be doing, not something you'd be able to do with a dead-guy really unless you wanted to develop a highly complex puppetry system and shove a load of those cardboard pine fresh trees in his jacket.

So she comes to a dilemma which man does she really want? Rob or Mark? Dead or Alive?  Which of these photos would make the best Facebook profile picture?

 So she decides Mark, alive and number 2 (seriously because I think number 1 would be hilarious and get far more likes) and breaks up with Rob, in a literal sense to she breaks him up into pieces with her trusty saw and marigold gloves in the bathroom, however she doesn't get rid of it all but keeps his head and penis as tokens of their love and dumps the rest of him in plastic bags back at his grave-site.

There are those certain exes that you wish this was an acceptable way to have split up with them

Mark begins to suspect that something is not completely right with Monika after they first have sex and she suppresses him from moving during it, we also get a very amusing scene where she looks down on him and he slowly turns into the corpse of Rob, which like when in a cartoon a really hungry cat might see a mouse transform into a walking steak, his fears may also be validated when he's making breakfast and discovered Rob's rotting phallus preserved in the fridge amongst the milk.

Monika is unaware of this discovery as she is still in her bed slowly drifting into an odd dream sequence....

A cross between an Enya and a Cannibal Corpse music video

Apparently the melody that she's seductively cooing translates as this:

"You see the delicious skeleton
You realize your deaths desire The hour came to taste you What you did when delirious The world will never know such dark fruits When your corpse descends, to me it is Morbid and voluptuous.
Death alone can present to me Your gifts As for the love, The destroyed skin, the rotted breath Make happiness From my days Of my days Taken giddiness, I see your flesh as it putrifiés when the night comes, it is your kingdom And you deaden me, the key of the moon"

Things from then on start to go down hill with Mark as he begins to get more worried about her sexual tastes and perversions, especially when he realises that she'd had all the girls around to watch a baby seal being dissected for entertainment as you do, I always have all my gal pals around to watch a bit of animal butchering, nothing like a baby seal getting skinned who needs X-Factor!

They decide to get back together after falling out over the seal tape, and much like the first movie I'll say nothing about the ending, but I can't make up my mind whether it's better or not, certainly again nothing I've ever witnessed for a climax to a feature.

True love conquers all

 

                                           

                                            Check out the soundtracks on Youtube -

Or watch the film and if you loved it enough you can always get a tribute to it for life like this guy-

Bizarre, sick and disgusting season: Nekromantik(1987)

You know a film is going to be gold when the site you are watching it from does this, you get the huge red warning that you have to pass through first to access the links and then you get the rather cautious "If you say so..."  that should probably have (weirdo) added at the end because I've noticed that only occurs on the "good movies"  because they have to check if you do really want to subject yourself to that shit.  

I think I've been warned enough already...

Pull your knickers further out of the way!!

You know a film is going to be classy when it starts with a woman taking a piss on the road side whilst her rather annoyed husband is waiting in the car, he sternly tells her "we'll never get there if you keep having to go every 5 mins"  now imagine that was the last few empty minutes of your life, because that's exactly what happened these delightful people get into a nasty car-crash  "BAM!" not getting there at all now are you regardless of her road-side pissing escapades.

The crash scene is laid out in it's brutal glory like a drink driving advert, pissy knickers needs not to worry any longer because her bottom half is currently disposed of for good and her slightly aggravated husband is missing most of his face. Now surely in this situation you'd call the emergency services if you saw this crash site however a street cleaning team is dispatched to deal with this gruesome mess which is absolutely fine if you're a necrophiliac! So we meet Rob corpse cleaner by day, corpse fucker by night!

Two things about the Joe's street cleaning agency, they don't wear gloves when handling the remains or cleaning up insides of the bodies, why??? What kind of a two bit operation is this Joe running here? and yes I know I'm watching a movie about necrophilia where there is bare fleshy private parts on rotting flesh and this should have been the least of my worries!

I clearly wasn't the only one just concerned with their lack of health & safety

They didn't seem to have any body bags either and were shown to just dump the recently departed into two black bin liners! It could have been a seriously low budget episode of CSI, I was waiting for David Caruso to appear and make some shitty quip about double bagging the body then walk out with his sunglasses on to The Who blaring..

German healthcare insurance, you either have it or you get cleaned up off the street and dumped into a black plastic bag

Rob loves his job literally and is always glad to take his work home with him, he seems to collect rotting trophies, such as eyeballs, hearts, sure there was a pickled foetus in his delightful personal collection, when you first see him putting all his spoils into the various specimen jars you think he's back at the street cleaning agency storing things away and then you realise he's at his own home....where he resides with his equally as sexually deviant girlfriend Betty whose introduced to us whilst she takes a nice hot bloodbath.

They acquire their dead sex-slave through what I can describe as one of the weirdest and funniest accidental deaths I've seen in a movie, the poor fellow goes out into his back-yard to do some gardening, whilst his somewhat annoying next-door neighbour listens to loud parade music and tries unsuccessfully to shot a bird, shooting the poor fellow doing his gardening instead WHOOPS! Instead of giving himself up to the cops or reporting this unfortunate incident trigger happy just shoves him in a wheelbarrow and does a runner for it.

In come Joe's Street Cleaning Agency once again to pull our unlucky chum out of a stagnant river, by this time he seems to have decomposed quite a lot but you know that's a sexy look right?! Which is why when given the task to take him back to headquarters he decides he has a better idea for our recently departed friend and he ends up in the back of Rob's car in his makeshift bin liner body bag.

He arrives home to Betty who he excitedly shows his prize off too, she then opens the black bag up with all the glee and excitement of a child on fucking Xmas morning and so begins the most bizarre, vile and almost erotic 3 to 4 mins of my life, what had my life become that I was sat here watching this, a man erotically sucking an eye out of a corpses face, what the holy fuck? Almost as bad as the street cleaning agencies lack of hygiene!  
 

 It's just so surreal and the soundtrack adds this inappropriate dream like beauty to it all, I was expecting the whole film to have that grimy almost music-less soundtrack like a lot of underground fringe movies, but it has this phenomenal score that wouldn't be out of place in a romantic epic, I'm assuming that was the whole point but still, I guess there are moments of horror displayed within the tracks.

The dead are still very morally concious of safe sex

Even the corpse is horrified at what they are doing to him!

"No cuddling afterwards, I'm just nailed up on the wall, I feel so used"

                                         If you are feeling brave or horny - 

By the looks of it if you spend too much time fucking the dead then you get fired, Rob turns up for work late yet again and he gets fired, so how is he going to keep him and Betty in the delights of rotting flesh when he no longer has easy and free access to it.  Well that's no problem for Betty because in an hilarious turn of events she decides that she's had enough of Joe now and leaves with taking her new dead lover with her! How Jeremy Kyle would love to have a story like that! Things must be bad if your other half has run off with a corpse.

Now I know what I want from my next break-up!

They did make such a cute couple, wasn't all just fucking and hanging on the wall she read him stories too

This sends Rob off the deep end completely, no job = no way to fuck corpses = no way to fuck Betty he needs a way to satisfy his death and decay lusts and unlucky for his new pet, Rob's apartment has got enough room to swing a cat around in.

Bathing in cat's blood and guts not yet an approved elixir for eternal youth

In his madness and turmoil Rob has a beautiful dream sequence in which himself and Betty are running through the field playing catch with a head and various other human bodily organs, again the music makes it seem so elegant whilst the head tossing back and forth on the screen does make you chuckle quite a lot. There's another rather bizarre scene of him just running and screaming whilst failing his arms around that also provides a lot of humour, but I'm not sure where that scene comes into the film, it becomes quite disjointed after a short time.


I have decided to say absolutely nothing about the end of this movie, you just have to watch it seriously, all I can say is that I've never seen anything like it before! It just has that freaky beauty again with all the subtly of  Mr. Creosote blowing up in Monty Python's 'Meaning of Life'. 

If you want arty death, sex, gore, violence and music you can appreciate then this is for you! 



Do check out the soundtrack even if you're not feeling brave enough to watch the movie-