Bizarre, sick and disgusting season: Nekromantik(1987)

You know a film is going to be gold when the site you are watching it from does this, you get the huge red warning that you have to pass through first to access the links and then you get the rather cautious "If you say so..."  that should probably have (weirdo) added at the end because I've noticed that only occurs on the "good movies"  because they have to check if you do really want to subject yourself to that shit.  

I think I've been warned enough already...

Pull your knickers further out of the way!!

You know a film is going to be classy when it starts with a woman taking a piss on the road side whilst her rather annoyed husband is waiting in the car, he sternly tells her "we'll never get there if you keep having to go every 5 mins"  now imagine that was the last few empty minutes of your life, because that's exactly what happened these delightful people get into a nasty car-crash  "BAM!" not getting there at all now are you regardless of her road-side pissing escapades.

The crash scene is laid out in it's brutal glory like a drink driving advert, pissy knickers needs not to worry any longer because her bottom half is currently disposed of for good and her slightly aggravated husband is missing most of his face. Now surely in this situation you'd call the emergency services if you saw this crash site however a street cleaning team is dispatched to deal with this gruesome mess which is absolutely fine if you're a necrophiliac! So we meet Rob corpse cleaner by day, corpse fucker by night!

Two things about the Joe's street cleaning agency, they don't wear gloves when handling the remains or cleaning up insides of the bodies, why??? What kind of a two bit operation is this Joe running here? and yes I know I'm watching a movie about necrophilia where there is bare fleshy private parts on rotting flesh and this should have been the least of my worries!

I clearly wasn't the only one just concerned with their lack of health & safety

They didn't seem to have any body bags either and were shown to just dump the recently departed into two black bin liners! It could have been a seriously low budget episode of CSI, I was waiting for David Caruso to appear and make some shitty quip about double bagging the body then walk out with his sunglasses on to The Who blaring..

German healthcare insurance, you either have it or you get cleaned up off the street and dumped into a black plastic bag

Rob loves his job literally and is always glad to take his work home with him, he seems to collect rotting trophies, such as eyeballs, hearts, sure there was a pickled foetus in his delightful personal collection, when you first see him putting all his spoils into the various specimen jars you think he's back at the street cleaning agency storing things away and then you realise he's at his own home....where he resides with his equally as sexually deviant girlfriend Betty whose introduced to us whilst she takes a nice hot bloodbath.

They acquire their dead sex-slave through what I can describe as one of the weirdest and funniest accidental deaths I've seen in a movie, the poor fellow goes out into his back-yard to do some gardening, whilst his somewhat annoying next-door neighbour listens to loud parade music and tries unsuccessfully to shot a bird, shooting the poor fellow doing his gardening instead WHOOPS! Instead of giving himself up to the cops or reporting this unfortunate incident trigger happy just shoves him in a wheelbarrow and does a runner for it.

In come Joe's Street Cleaning Agency once again to pull our unlucky chum out of a stagnant river, by this time he seems to have decomposed quite a lot but you know that's a sexy look right?! Which is why when given the task to take him back to headquarters he decides he has a better idea for our recently departed friend and he ends up in the back of Rob's car in his makeshift bin liner body bag.

He arrives home to Betty who he excitedly shows his prize off too, she then opens the black bag up with all the glee and excitement of a child on fucking Xmas morning and so begins the most bizarre, vile and almost erotic 3 to 4 mins of my life, what had my life become that I was sat here watching this, a man erotically sucking an eye out of a corpses face, what the holy fuck? Almost as bad as the street cleaning agencies lack of hygiene!  
 

 It's just so surreal and the soundtrack adds this inappropriate dream like beauty to it all, I was expecting the whole film to have that grimy almost music-less soundtrack like a lot of underground fringe movies, but it has this phenomenal score that wouldn't be out of place in a romantic epic, I'm assuming that was the whole point but still, I guess there are moments of horror displayed within the tracks.

The dead are still very morally concious of safe sex

Even the corpse is horrified at what they are doing to him!

"No cuddling afterwards, I'm just nailed up on the wall, I feel so used"

                                         If you are feeling brave or horny - 

By the looks of it if you spend too much time fucking the dead then you get fired, Rob turns up for work late yet again and he gets fired, so how is he going to keep him and Betty in the delights of rotting flesh when he no longer has easy and free access to it.  Well that's no problem for Betty because in an hilarious turn of events she decides that she's had enough of Joe now and leaves with taking her new dead lover with her! How Jeremy Kyle would love to have a story like that! Things must be bad if your other half has run off with a corpse.

Now I know what I want from my next break-up!

They did make such a cute couple, wasn't all just fucking and hanging on the wall she read him stories too

This sends Rob off the deep end completely, no job = no way to fuck corpses = no way to fuck Betty he needs a way to satisfy his death and decay lusts and unlucky for his new pet, Rob's apartment has got enough room to swing a cat around in.

Bathing in cat's blood and guts not yet an approved elixir for eternal youth

In his madness and turmoil Rob has a beautiful dream sequence in which himself and Betty are running through the field playing catch with a head and various other human bodily organs, again the music makes it seem so elegant whilst the head tossing back and forth on the screen does make you chuckle quite a lot. There's another rather bizarre scene of him just running and screaming whilst failing his arms around that also provides a lot of humour, but I'm not sure where that scene comes into the film, it becomes quite disjointed after a short time.


I have decided to say absolutely nothing about the end of this movie, you just have to watch it seriously, all I can say is that I've never seen anything like it before! It just has that freaky beauty again with all the subtly of  Mr. Creosote blowing up in Monty Python's 'Meaning of Life'. 

If you want arty death, sex, gore, violence and music you can appreciate then this is for you! 



Do check out the soundtrack even if you're not feeling brave enough to watch the movie-